Four Pillows

I bought my forth pillow in less than 3 months yesterday.  No, I am not a Princess.  I have a neck problem.

If you've been following the blog, you know that the first pillow I purchased was too hard.  It was cheap.  Really cheap.  It had the same contours as the one I used at home.  But it was like a rock!  Within a week, I bought my second pillow.

The second pillow was priced middle of the road.  It was one of those memory foam ones.  I tried using it for a few weeks, waking several times each night.  It seemed the right amount of fluffy.  I dreamed of sleeping soundly on that wonderful pillow... but I was not having sweet dreams... I couldn't even sleep long enough to get to the dream state!  So I was off to purchase a third pillow.

I splurged on the third pillow.  I spent almost S$100 on it.  It was contoured with a lumpy top - the good kind of lumps.  It looked luxurious!  It had to be the right one - it was expensive!  I tried.  I really did.  For at least a month.  The pillow was too high.  Not contoured in the right places.  Terry to the rescue!  I started using his pillow, which he really loves, and he used my seemingly perfect pillow - but even he didn't find it facilitated a great night's sleep.

I was not sleeping.  My neck was in pain all the time.  I bought a forth pillow yesterday.  It's smaller.. my size.  It's contoured.  And its height is adustable!  I woke many times last night with my new pillow.... I'm hoping it's just an adjustment thing.

My four pillows are like the four pillars of our international move.

The pillow like home.  Making a home is important.  But trying to make our new home like "home" won't work.  We need to be open to new things and accepting to new ways of doing things. 

The dream (not) pillow.  Living here is fulfilling our dreams.  It's important to be realistic about the dreams.  Day to day life is still here.  Putting your dreams in perspective is important for preventing disappointment.  It's also important to re-evaluate your dreams and re-visit your purpose for the move.  And tweak along the way.

The luxurious, lumpy pillow.  Yin yang.  There cannot be complete strength, expansion, and brightness without some weak, contraction, and darkness.  And vice versa.  You may as well surrender to it.  You'll grow more if you do.

The adjustable pillow.  Adjustment.  It takes time.  But sometimes you need a little push... some self motivation... some nagging from your partner... a reminder from your daughter... support from your friends.  And all that is OK.  I'm grateful I have the opportunity to be self motivated, nagged, reminded, and supported.

A fifth pillar (who knows, I might need another pillow!)... be present.  Enjoy it now.  Take second chances when they're given.  My brother has a brain tumor.  He had treatment a year ago and today we learned the tumor is shrinking... it's dead.

Life here is good.  Life there is good.  Life is good.  Even with bad pillows.



Hazy Daze

On our way home from Malaysia last week, the skies were hazy and the air smelled of fire/smoke.  Forest burning to create farmland and plant crops is apparently a common occurance in Sumatra, Indonesia - almost 900 km away from Singapore.

This smoke has made its way to Singapore.  The skies are grey and the air is smokey.  I received a warning from my daughter's school today that they will be monitoring the air pollution index (PSI - Polluntants Standards Index) and will let us know if it rises to unhealthy measures.  The main concerns are for older folks and those with respiratory health issues.

Combine the haze with rain, thunder and lightning ('tis the season), and our weekend plans for rollerblading and wandering around nature parks on bikes and foot were scratched.  While Terry took the weekend to dive in the gorgeous waters off a tropical island, my daughter and I made our hazy days lazy days.

Although Sunday we visited the Science Centre and Omni Theatre, Saturday was couch potato day as we watched movies and TV shows and ate our missed 'western' foods we picked up at 'our' grocery store... and we ordered pizza for delivery!  It was a sloth kind of day.  And I wondered was it wasteful?

We needed to chill.  We needed to feel in our own space.  We needed to escape for bit.  We've been living in a new world for about 2 1/2 months.  That's a long time for a teen to be without her friends.  It's not easy to make friends in high school.  The typical high school student in an international school is an expat.  Sometimes they've traveled many places in the world throughout their short lives.  One girl told my daughter she wishes she had close friends but she never stayed in a place long enough to make any.

One would think it would be easy to make friends in this situation.  Kids are used to starting new.  And maybe it is for the average expat teenager.  But my daughter feels worlds apart from these kids and cannot find common ground.  Any parent knows how gut wrenching it is to see your child sad.  We want what is best for our children.  My gut is telling me this move is best for my child.  But, wow, has it ever been challenging to get to that place where I trust my gut.

Saturday was a bit of a daze for us, but maybe you need to go there in order for the haze to lift.  October break is over, my daughter is back to school, and I'm researching dance studios so she can find her passion again.

Little Fish Nipping at my Toes...

My daughter is on October Break.  Of course, we had to take advantage and go on a little trip... to Malaysia.  And yes, I had fish nipping at my toes... actually all of my feet.

After a 10 1/2 hour bus ride through the night, we arrived in the Cameron Highlands, Malaysia... where we could see our breath!  Yes, we were in heaven.  (The first thing I did when we reached the hotel, of course, was trip over my daughter's bags.  Imagine me with a backpack 1/2 the size of me falling forward in slow motion as gravity pulled me harder than I could pull myself up... until I fell flat on the floor and could not get up because my bag was too heavy and all three of us were in a fit of giggles.)  We spent the next two days and nights checking out flower farms, strawberry farms, vegetable farms, tea plantations, strawberry farms, strawberry farms, strawberry farms... did I say strawberry farms?  There was strawberry everything everywhere!  It was kind of hilarious.  But on one of our tours we had the absolute, most delicious, best chocolate covered strawberries in the world... hands down.  Heaven again.

We also roamed markets, ate the sweetest grilled corn, and handled several crazy critters like stick insects, butterflies, and snakes.  We went on a jungle trek where we had an amazing and funny guide tell us about much of the jungle life.  Ahhhh... I loved the jungle.  Did you know there are over 500 kinds of pitcher plants in Malaysia?  We had to tell the guy the pitcher plant is our province's flower of course.

The views in the highlands were phenomenal.  We got up at 5:00 a.m. one morning to see the sunrise from one of the highest peaks in the area.  As it went from complete darkness to light, one jungle animal at a time would wake and start singing.  The roosters crowed right on time.  The song of the jungle was incredible.  The air was fresh and cool.  Our guide gave us tea.  And it was too hazy to see the sun rise!  The sky got bright - but no sun to be seen.  Didn't matter.  We were in heaven again anyway.

I did spend some time reading the local paper.  And I found out that the Malaysian government is going to give a gift to females - it is thinking of increasing maternity leave from 60 days to 90 days!  AND... from what I read it seems retired teachers will be able to replace female teachers on maternity leave.  What a gift.  Seeing all sides of the world makes me more grateful than ever for the opportunities I've had in life.

After a couple of days in cool, rural Malaysia, we bussed it to Kuala Lumpur (KL) - the capital.  I guess you could say it's the New York of Malaysia.  We climbed the over 300 steps to the Batu Caves, which were absolutely amazing.  Temples were inside and a ceremony was taking place.  There were three men going through some rituals and adorning a sword with scarves and flowers.  And there were drum and horn players.  Monkeys monkied around... and got a little agressive when Terry was trying too hard to take a photo.  Words can't really describe this place.  Yep.  Heaven.

Markets were everywhere in KL.  Terry managed to get invited to join a Chinese group eating durian... and he ate it... and he stank.  (Is stank a word?)  Durian is such a smelly fruit that there are signs around forbidding it in many places.  An authentic chinese market in Chinatown boasted pig's legs, chicken feet, and every organ and piece of animal and fish you can imagine. 

Just before we made our way home, we found a fabulous market with tons of shops and a pedicure place... with little fish that nibble the dead skin off your feet!  I convinced Terry to do it... wasn't successful in convincing my daughter.  WELL!  Tickle is an understatement!  We screamed and laughed and squealed and everyone around got a grand kick out of us.  10 minutes.  10 minutes of fish nibbling our feet.  Unbelievably, we lasted.  And our feet were kinda smooth too.

Some of you know I hate feet.  So putting my feet into a big tank of little black fish to eat at them was a true statement that I'm ready to face my fears.  Over the past week I've had two interviews with recruiters, who have set up interviews with two companies, which have taken place and were terrific.  I don't know if I'll make it to the next stage, but it is a confidence boost to be out there interviewing. 

I highly recommend fish nibbling at your toes.

My Alphabet for Singapore

Ni hao (without accents, sounds like nee how and means hello in mandarin),

For those that have asked in my email or on my Facebook (there's been trouble posting comments on the blog for some reason), Mr. CR hung out in the shower all day until Terry came home, swept him into the dustpan and flushed him.  I stood on a chair and watched and learned. 

Today I decided to share a few snippets of life here in Singapore in alphabet form...

A is for Auspicious.  Many people here make choices based on how auspicious something is.  The Chinese word for four sounds like the Chinese word for death so is considered unlucky.  The Chinese word for eight sounds like the Chinese word for money?  I think.  It's considered a good word anyway, hence, lucky.  My cell phone number has three fours in it.   But I'm not Chinese so it'll be OK. 

B is for Banking.  We tried to set up a joint account the other day and I was surprised that they would not let us because I have a Long Term Visit Pass and not a Dependent Pass (you have to be married to get a dependent pass).  The young girl serving us - who spoke mainly to Terry and called me 'she' - smiled and was pleasant and said once I have my Employment Pass I can get my own account.  Couples typically do not live together without being married here.  They also live with their parents until they are married.

C is for Career Coach.  I saw one.  And he told me that I don't need a career coach.  What I need is to just go for it.  Ah crap.  Terry was right.

D is for a Day with your Daughter.  October break started yesterday and my daughter and I spent the day on Orchard Road (shopping area in the city).  We shopped and wandered and watched a movie and laughed and ate great food.  It was an awesome day.  My daughter spends most of her time in our rural community, Bukit Gombak, so getting into the city for a city girl is quite energizing.

E is for Equality.  Singapore is pretty progressive.  But every now and again, I am treated like the less significant gender.  At the end of the bank meeting the other day, I asked if we can still get a joint account when I have my Employment Pass.  Her answer was directed at Terry and she said, "Yes, she can be put on your account and you'd have a joint account."  And I said, "or he could be put on mine?"  Terry winked.  The bank girl smiled.  I'm very respectful of differences, but I couldn't help it.

F is for Flag.  You are allowed to hang the Singapore flag for one month only.  But there are sooo many people that hang the flag during that month.  I wonder if this policy increases patriotism?

G is for Government - a strong one.  The government here has grown Singapore to be incredibly self sufficient.  Although it does not have natural resources like other countries, it has been innovative to establish independence and is known as a 'model of success'.  Its laws can be pretty stringent (you will be hanged if you are caught with a gun) but it has created an incredibly safe environment. 

H is for Housing Development Boards (HDBs).  The government builds groups of buildings with apartments/flats in them and provides subsidized leasing.  It creates a community.  The HDBs often have hawker stands on the first floor with lots of shops or town centres.  Over 80% of the resident population live in HDBs.

I is for International access to events such as dance!  The dance festival last week was amazing.  We watched in awe as the artists were like liquid on stage.

J is for Jello-like squares that are in drinks here.

K is for Kopi, Kopi-C, Kopi-O, and Kopi tiam.  Singapore does not have good coffee.  But it does have Kopi.  At Thanksgiving dinner, my friend gave me a tiny bag of Tim Horton's coffee (which is not even good coffee but better than the stuff I can find here).... and I left it at her house. 

L is for Lost because I usually am.

M is for the Man behind my daughter on the escalator after the Flamenco dance show.  His comment about the event (read with a flamboyant accent): "Flamenco dancing does wonderful things to a man's body."

N is for Ng.  It's a common Chinese surname and for some reason I like it. 

O is for Over the top.  The styles.  The services.  The homes (some).  The events.  They can be so incredibly extravagent and ornate and expensive and sometimes... dare I say it... tacky.

P is for photography.  It's a common activity around here - people are often wandering in groups with their fancy cameras and tripods.

Q is for.... ?

R is for Refridgerator.  We put almost everything in it to prevent spoilage or bug visitors.

S is for sandwich... actually ice cream sandwich.  The aunties and uncles (older Singaporeans) sell them from kiosks.  But they are not like what we are used to in Canada... they take a block of really hard ice cream (flavors include mango, peppermint chocolate, sweet corn, red bean, and others) and surround it with either two crackers or a slice of pink and green bread... all for a dollar!

T is for Taxi drivers.  Most of them have the same story about Singapore - that the cost of living is too high and you have to work too much.  But they wouldn't live anywhere else.

U is for Uniformity.  Singapore has worked hard and has been successful in creating a unified, harmonious nation with four key different nationalities, cultures, races, and religions as its citizens.  Everyone is tolerant and respectful of the other.  It is only in Little India that I really got the typical stares Indian men give to western women.  And that is mainly because we went on a Sunday - their day off work - and for the most part the men there at that time were here to work on short-term, temporary assignments.  Indian men that are citizens of Singapore do not act the same way.

V is for Venus.  The Roman goddess of love.  Because this is Tina's alphabet:)

W is for Water.  Singapore's water supply comes from Malaysia.  Water here is recycled and taps in almost all public places are on automatic shut off.  Living here is a practice in efficiency.  I like it.  However, we all fool up.  Yesterday, my daughter and I were in one of the nicest bathrooms we've ever been in (if you recall from an earlier post, there are two extremes of bathrooms), and the soap was also automatic.  I was washing away and chatting with my daugther while looking at her and she was giggling... my hands were under the soap dispenser and the soap was pouring out into the sink!

X is for xylophone.  It has nothing to do with Singapore.

Y is for Yoga.  On our first night of yoga last week we went to three centres before we found the right one.  It is in one of the many community centres nestled away in an HDB area.  The class had only 10 minutes left when we arrived!  No worries, we did not disrupt the group.

Z is for Zoo (of course!).  We went and it was magnificent.

There's a Hippo in the Bathtub

When my daughter was a little girl, she loved the Anne Murray Song Animal Crackers... you know the one that has the lyrics 'you better come quick, 'cause there's a hippo in the bathtub.'

Well, that's how I woke this morning.  "Mom.... there's a bug in my shower... it's a cockroach."  Agghhhh!  Terry had already gone to work, my daughter refuses to kill anything living, so I was left to my own devices.....

I was warned of bugs before we moved to Singapore.  They are here.  It's part of life.  It's warm here and they are different than home and they are plentiful.  There are no cockroaches in Newfoundland as far as I know.  I did have one in my apartment in Nova Scotia one time.  I smashed it so hard with a shoe that I left a dent in the wall and then I stood in the middle of my living room crying. 

I am not going to be such a coward this time.

Last week, we saw a little spider in the apartment.  I got rid of it no problem.  On Friday past, my daughter opened her desk drawer to find a bug crawling in it.  Terry got rid of it, but I honestly think I would have been able to do it.. it wasn't that big and it wasn't a cockroach.

After my daughter's announcement this morning, I tried to act cool on the outside but my inside was full of jumping beans!  I swear I could not face this great fear.  What is wrong with me?  I'm about a thousand times bigger than the bug.  I poked the big critter only to see it whiz to the other side of the shower.  Those things move fast.  I kept closing the shower door in hopes it would disappear and I wouldn't have to deal with this.  That is what we do with our fears that we don't want to face, right?  My daughter proceeded to get ready for school... calmly!  How can a 16 year old be so calm in this situation???  This is an emergency.  So I get a shoe and get up the nerve to move closer to the big black creepy crawly and as I lower the shoe (much too slow obviously) it speeds across the shower again!  Eeeeee!  Shut the door!!!!  SHUT THE DOOR!!!  I gave in and texted Terry to find out how I can get rid of this thing.  According to my daughter, they are the most indestructable bug in the world.  Great! 

Terry's advice was to put on my shoes (this is in case it crawls over your feet), sweep it into a dustpan, then dump it into the toilet.  But what if it crawls out of the dustpan and onto the floor and out into the apartment?!?!  I analyzed and assessed and evaluated.  Then I shut the bathroom door and left it there.  So Mr. CR is now my temporary roomie.  I walk past that bathroom trying to ignore there's anything in there.  Thankfully (it is Thanksgiving afterall, and I have to say, I'm so full of gratitude that if I wrote a blog entry about it, you'd probably get sick of my gushiness... but I am incredibly thankful of the health, happiness and wonderful people and opportunities in my life), we have two bathrooms!

I'm calm again and I hear.... "Mom.... there's a bug in my shoe!"  Oh man!  Seriously?  This cannot possibly be happening.  So the teen gets another pair of shoes and I'm left to deal with the bug.  It's much smaller than the big one in the shower, but it will not come out of the shoe.  I shook it and poked it and it stuck there.  I tried to squish it and it's hard as a rock.  Uh-oh..... I put the shoe outside (our condo hallways are open to the air.. we  live in Singapore afterall) and leave it alone.  Maybe the critter (pretty sure it's a baby cockroach) will crawl away.

That's how my morning started.  And I sent my daughter off to school without lunch.

If you're following the blog, you know I'm searching for work.  However, much like the cockroach, I have poked at it and closed the door.  Working in a new country when you've only worked in one before is a bit intimidating.  Terry assures me it's the same as anywhere else with a few differences in culture and language.  But just like I did with Mr. CR, I have assessed all the things that could go wrong if I get a job. 

Time to open the door again and give it another try... to the job hunt... not the cockroach.

Shopping or Selling?


Shopping is a favorite pastime in Singapore.  Malls are everywhere.  Nearly every MRT stop is attached to one or more shopping areas.  I tend to purchase mostly necessities, but I've had some entertaining moments investigating the Singapore shopping experience.

Sales personnel at stores take their jobs seriously.  They know their products and are keen to make a sale.  In stores that sell furniture or home appliances, sales people are responsible for certain brands and products and can't cross the line to sell someone else's brand.  And they follow you.  Closely.  They are at your service.  As soon as you eye something, they explain if it's on sale or the unique features of the product.  If they perceive you are not interested, they will point you towards another product they feel you will like.  Shopping exercises your ability to politely say no.  It also presents opportunities for entertainment when you say yes.  One time we had a demonstration of the most comfortable - and expensive - beds in the world from a sales rep trying to sell us a bed.  All three of us had a scientific assessment to determine our best type of bed, and we were able to lie on the bed for 5-10 minutes in the store.  Sweet!  If I planned on staying in Singapore for 10+ years, I would have seriously considered buying the bed.  Excellent interactive selling.  And truly a fantabulous bed!

The day I was surrounded by professionals in the financial district I realized almost every single woman had a skirt on... usually above the knee, black, and fitted.  It's a really lovely style, and I think I can pull it off.  On one of our shopping mall explorations, my daughter and I ventured into a store that seemed to have a few nice skirts.  After some persuasion from my much more fashion conscious 16 year old, I picked out three to try on.  Of course, the sales girl followed me closely and I probably would have had only one had she not selected two others.  Each time I came out of the dressing room to get my teen's thoughts on how it looked, the sales rep had another skirt for me to try!  I didn't want to seem ungrateful so I agreed to try.  I had about 12 skirts in the room at the end of the session - and I tried every one!  My daughter told me later that the girls were all giggling at me... she thought they were laughing because I was trying on every skirt they suggested.  Meanwhile, I was only trying them on because they were bringing them to me!  So much for exercising saying no politely.  I did find a skirt, however... and the girl that served me at the cash was highly complimentary of my eyes.  Overall, it was a successful excursion and we obviously entertained some people, which is never a bad thing.

On another shopping excursion on Arab Street (our favorite place in Singapore I think), my daughter and I were wandering the shops waiting for Terry to show for supper and ventured into a store that sold wall hangings from India.  The sales man was from the middle east somewhere and had the most gorgeous green eyes.  He was the perfect sales man.  He was charming.  And my daughter and I were lapping up his attention like a teen dragged on stage at a rock concert.  He told us the story of the wall hanging... how it was made from dresses of the queens from 100s of years ago.  When the queens no longer wore their dresses, they gave them to peasants.  Peasants wore them until they had holes in them.  Many years ago, sewers of these hangings visited rural India to collect these dresses and hand sewed the hangings with the dress collars.  Pretty good story, hey?  Not sure if it's true, but we dreamily listened and looked into his eyes.  He really thought we were going to purchase the hanging... it was beautiful to be honest, and if the story is true, it would be a pretty cool piece of history to have in our home.  And it would match my red couch and funky humpty perfectly.  But we said we'd return.  It was over my price range for now, and I was practicing saying no politely.  Regardless, he must have known we were swooning!

Thankfully, nobody follows you and tries to hard sell in a bookstore.  I have a hard enough time telling myself no when surrounded by books!  Yesterday I bought two books (one fiction and one non-fiction) and a self teaching mandarin book and CD.  Sales techniques for organizations selling mandarin courses are little less effective at targeting... or maybe there just isn't as big a demand as there is for consumer goods.

zai jian (no accents here but sounds like chai chian and means goodbye)

Gullivers! Right Away!

Terry has an incredible knack for striking up interesting conversations with taxi drivers.  I noticed this about him on our first trip together to Montreal.  He takes on new accents, finds out intriguing information, gets directions and necessary information, and receives presents. 

We made a trip to IKEA last night - we still have quite a few things to get for our home.  With a basket full of household items, we called a taxi rather than take the train/bus or wait in the taxi queue for an hour (there's an extra fee for calling a taxi but it's well worth it in these situations).  Our driver was friendly and kind-hearted and seemed like a gentle soul.  Although taxi drivers here are often talkative and helpful, 'gentle soul' is not how I would typically describe them.  Terry immediately struck a conversation with him about the music he was playing... it was meditation music with chimes and gentle chanting.  Naturally, I loved it. 

I didn't hear the whole conversation - my daughter was describing what she learned in yoga earlier that day.  She learned some breathing techniques and sun salutations, and I was absolutely thrilled she thoroughly enjoyed it.  She now knows that she can use the Nadi Sodhana, or alternate nostril breathing, to calm her before a math test!  I definitely had a proud mama moment. 

I heard snippets of the front seat conversation... Buddhist temple.... CD.... meditation... relax.... clear your mind througout the day... difficulty clearing the thoughts... vegetarian... I was torn between the two conversations. 

At the end of our ride, my daughter and I commented to each other that it was the most relaxing taxi ride we'd ever had.  After helping to unload the trunk, the taxi driver gave something to Terry.  It was a CD of the music he was playing!  Namaste, Mr. Taxi Driver!!

I have a new phrase to replace the St. John's 'Gullivers... right away!'  It's 'Gulliford... talk away!'