Left... Left... Left, Right, Left

Talk about messing up your neuro-networks!

In Canada, it seems we tend to automatically move to the right when walking.  We drive on the right hand side of the road.  Escalators are usually on the right side.  And when passing people while walking, everyone automatically moves to the right so it's an easy, mindless activity that runs smoothly. There are collisions, but in my world, it's usually because I'm not paying attention.  It doesn't work like that here for me.

As you know, you drive on the left here.  Escalators are usually on the left, although not always.  I'm trying to figure out ever since I moved here whether people automatically walk to the left or if there is actually no norm at all for walking.  And I'm paying attention!

I've been testing this out for months.  I started to purposely walk to the left once I realized I was encountering head on collisions with people when I walked to the right.  This seems to work... for the majority of the time... which is 50+% of the time... but not necessarily 60% or 90% of the time.  So that leaves my neurons shaking almost half the time!  Being less agile these days with a big growing belly, it's not as easy to jolt over to the right after purposely walking to the left but the person aiming for me is not moving.  So I've been having a lot of these left, no right, no left... just stand here and let them pass.... moments.

I am actually wondering if there is indeed a norm, but it's so multicultural here that the norms are different in different parts of the world, so we have a mixture of people automatically moving to the right and people automatically moving to the left.

This is a big enough wonder for me these days that I'm dedicating a blog entry to it.  I even did a little research and found that there is actually research done on oculomotor activity while walking!  Apparently, you can know which side the on-comer is going to walk on by where he or she is directing his or her gaze.  If your on-comer is looking to the right, your brain will tell you to move to the left, and vice versa.  Hmmm.... maybe my oculomotor activity ability has decreased during this time of pregnancy.  Orrr... maybe in this culture, people don't gaze so directly, and I just can't figure out if they are looking to the right or left.

Regardless, my daughter and I seem to be the only ones that have noticed this phenomenon.  Maybe it's just me, actually, and I'm influencing my daughter.  I am certain though, that my flip flops are wearing out.  I've slipped on the left flip, nearly flopped, and cut my right toe in the exact same place - twice.

Terry and I are off to Hong Kong tomorrow, while my daughter is galavanting around the Himalayas in India. I wonder if they walk on the left or the right in Hong Kong?

Do We Have a Mop?

You know you're starting to live the ex-pat life when you say to your partner as the air conditioning leaks on the floor, "Do we have a mop?"  And his response is laughter (and his advice was to use this as my next blog title).

So I admit that we have a maid (and, yes, I forgot we had a mop!).  Of course, many of my friends from home also have house cleaners, so it's not unusual.  But having a 'maid' or a 'nanny' or both is completely commonplace here in Singapore.  Many expats travel with their nanny in tow.

I have other strange (for me) new behaviours too.  I have wiped ants away from a piece of cake and ate the cake anyway.  Well... it was chocolate cake!  Ants have become my friends... the little tiny ones.  You just shoo them away and carry on (we have ant traps too).  And every now and again I naturally say 'lah' at the end of a sentence.  It's similar to the Canadian 'eh'.  I also think my feet have expanded due to wearing flip flops 99% of the time... maybe being 6+ months pregnant has something to do with that too.

One of phrases I've started to become accustomed to is, "Have you had your lunch?"  The first time I heard it was on my way into the bathroom at work.  Auntie (the cleaner) was sitting on the stairs and she said, "Have you had your lunch?"  I was confused... didn't know why she was asking... and I responded with, "Ummm... no, not yet." *confused smile*  I've heard this a few times since.  One of our security staff asked me a couple of days ago as I left our condo facility, "Have you had your lunch already, lah?"  And I smiled confidently and said, "Yes, see you later."  This question is used as we use, "Hello, how are you?"

Now, this does not mean I understand Singlish.  I still struggle with it quite a bit actually.  But I'm learning to use as few words as possible... take out prepositions and such... only use the absolutely necessary words to get your point across.  I was out for dinner with friends last weekend and we had this same discussion (they, of course, were drinking margaritas and I was drinking water)... however, they are much more advanced than me in their Singlish skills - they've lived here for around three years.

Being an expat also means you have to have a pass to be here, of course.  I had a Long Term Visit Pass and then an Employment Pass.  Now that my Employment Pass has expired (due to the end of my contract), I have a 30-day Short Term Visit Pass.  This means I either have to acquire a Long Term Visit Pass or leave the country every 14 days via road or 30 days via plane.  In trying to get my Long Term Visit Pass, it turns out I'm not really eligible for one... not sure how I got one last time!  Anyway, I'm working on it - I don't really want to have to leave Singapore a day or two after my baby is born.  I need a mop to clean this little mess up, lah.

Before that, though, we have my daughter's drama production and trip to India.  Trip to India.  Yep, another great advantage of living here.  We also saw Justin Bieber last night - he not only sings, you know... he can play the drums, play the guitar, woo the teenage girls, and dance.  I wonder does he have a mop?  Anyway, it was another great show we had the opportunity to see in Singapore.

And the Winner is....

In my last post, I talked about skipping on the train and Singaporeans' desires to be 'first'.  Well, it turns out there is an official term on this attitude - kiasu.  It's Hokkien Chinese for 'afraid to lose'.

It's not unusual to observe greed around here.  One day in the queue at my favorite salad restaurant, a lady skipped me in line.  This has become somewhat normal, albeit frustrating at times.  Then her friend joined her!  And, they not only had their own two orders, but they had their colleagues orders as well.  They saw me.... I was right there in the queue.  I guess they were demonstrating kiasu, while I practiced understanding and letting go.

Nobody holds the door open around here either.  In fact, they'll squeeze through before you and let the door slam in your face.  When us Canadians hold the door open, the locals are either expressively grateful or simply confused.

I've read a few articles in papers and have heard taxi drivers give their input about this behaviour.  They say parents drive and push their children to win, to be first, to be the best.  In their minds, anything less means failure and hardship in life.  Young adults strive to be accepted into the best schools with scholarships so they can get the 'best' jobs.  Young children are pushed to reach excellence in everything they do.  There is no room for anything less.  It can be incredibly competitive and stressful.  The overall belief is that if you don't 'win', you're going to have a miserable life.

It's understandable that adults want more and more prestige and higher levels of status around here.  In this culture, it means they've succeeded.  I don't feel the happiness in the air, though.

These attitudes seem to have caused some issues in society.  This lack of graciousness is widespread and the government is trying to change it.  The Singaporean government promotes gracious behaviour via videos that you can find online.  I've started to notice signage reminding people to clear their tables (it's completely common and normal to leave your garbage on your table).  I think government is realizing that winning is not about the material things you have.  Health, community, and mindfulness are becoming more important.  And government wants to build that kind of nation.

That said, it might have been government's past behaviours that have led to this type of thinking in the first place.  Regardless, understanding kiasu has lessened my frustrations when faced with it.

In our culture, we like to win too.  Some people also regard prestige and material items as signatures of success.  However, many people value health, family, relationships, and true happiness as success and signatures of winning.  It doesn't mean you can't have a fancy car sitting in your driveway if that's what you like.  But human connections, growth, and a vibrant life are what gives a person meaning and enhances their contributions to society.  The fancy car is just a fancy car to enjoy, not a measurement of success (of course, that's not what everyone in our culture believes).

This week, my dear friend is a winner.  She had bypass surgery at only 36 years old, and is alive only because of chance timing.  She's a wonderfully positive and beautiful person and has definitely won both with her attitude and her second chance at life.  Again, I'm far away from home and can't see her, but my thoughts are with her and her family.

Tales from the (almost) Tripped

After several days of celebrating my grandmother's life, my aunts, uncles and cousins are returning to their provinces, countries, and continents to get back to 'normal' life.  I hear it was quite the weekend - tears, memories, music, beautiful ceremonies, laughter... and new memories.  Fifteen of the 20 grandchildren made it home for the wake and funeral.  I was one of the five that didn't make it home and definitely felt the distance.  But I am grateful for Facebook.  I received fairly regular updates and could be there vicariously through photos and short chats.  Technological advancement can be very good.

In fact, advancement in many forms can be very good.  I think I advanced my personal empowerment last week when I gave my notice and left my job.

After six weeks of feeling completely out of alignment, I confronted my boss and suggested his organization needed something different than what I can give at this time - he needed long-term change management (and if you saw my growing belly, you'd know I don't have long-term availability).  He invited me to return after baby is born, but I'm going back to Canada.  I learned.  I met some great people.  I experienced a completely multi-cultural environment.  I got some insight into a whole new industry.  And I really think I made a slight impact.  It wasn't all bad at all.  But each day, I started with a renewed spirit and returned home deflated and de-energized.  It would have been a great challenge to stay long-term and lead change, but it really wasn't the right place for me.  Once I made the decision to move on, I felt empowered.  I really stuck to my values.  On my last day, I said my good-byes to everyone and I think it was the most energized I felt in six weeks.  It was the right decision.

My days began with trying to fit into clothes.  I LOVE this new invention called a Belly Belt!  There were no Belly Belts 18 years ago.  All was well until I hit the train station each day.  After talking to people who lived in Shanghai and London, I learned Singapore got nothin' on them for the train madness.  However, at peak hours, it goes like this.... squeeze, skip, push, shove, skip, rush, skip... then, after missing 2-3 trains, stand like a squished sardine for 45 minutes.  It's much worse than Tokyo.  People are generally pleasant and polite in Japan.  Oh, but I discovered another route.... it took 1 hour and 15 minutes, but I most often got a seat.  (Would you believe that most women here wear stilettos to work?  I had blisters wearing flats or pumps!  They are decked out like a fashion show too - complete with jewelry, make-up, etc.)

A highlight of my workday (if I got a seat) was reading on the train.  I had over an hour in each direction with dedicated reading time!  Woohoo!  I most often read the local newspaper in the morning, but I read my business and  psychology books in the evening.  I kinda needed the inspiration.  I tried... I really tried... to read some finance magazines to learn more about the industry I was working in.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I worked in the financial district of Singapore.  I quite liked the environment.  I found a couple of fabulous restaurants in the area and had some nice chats with people I worked with when we went out to lunch a few times.  Eighty percent of the time I had these amazing salads for lunch.... a lot of expats seemed to go to this salad place... it had everything you can imagine for salad.  Fantastic!  And crowded!  In true Singapore style, though, there were three queues (one for ordering, one for paying, and one for receiving), and once you got the hang of it, it was quite organized.  There were benches outside overlooking the river - a magnificent environment for eating lunch.... but there were never any free benches to sit on.

During my six week stint, the building I worked in got a bit of an overhaul.  They put a coffee/snack bar in the main lobby along with an indoor jungle and security stations that locked you out AND IN if you didn't have your security card.  I'm not really sure why they needed the reconstruction and enhanced security, but that's Singapore.  Buildings are constantly being torn down and new ones built.  When my building 'unveiled' the indoor jungle, they had a bit of a fancy 'do'.... must have been a bit of a big deal.  I think it was the first indoor jungle... they like being first around here.

My workstation changed places four times.  (That was far from the issues I faced.)  My last location had a great view of the famous Marina Bay Sands... yep, the hotel everyone emailed photos of to me before I moved here... it has the infinity pool on top and was featured in The Amazing Race.  Anyway, it was a great view... much better than my first workstation where I had three chairs, a stool, three umbrellas, and the storage area all in my little corner space with no viewing of the rest of the office (or outside).  People regularly came to my desk to use the binding machine or went to the storage area for supplies.  (I did have little chats with people when they 'visited' though:)  One lady, a temp, would sometimes sit on one of the chairs and do nothing but stare straight ahead while she waited for her 'boss' to tell her what to do.... yes, a chair in my space - and she didn't talk.  I found it all a bit strange.

So I didn't trip on the train - although if I was wearing stilettos maybe I would have.  And I didn't trip in my personal or professional development.  In fact, I think I've risen a wee bit.  Now, I'm searching for a volunteer gig... if a paid one comes along where I'm in alignment, great!  But I can't just work for a pay cheque.  For me, right now, that would be tripping.

Far Away From Home

I have not written in over a month.  I have lots to share.  And I will.  But today, I'm honoring my grandmother.  She peacefully passed yesterday... well, this morning NL time.

We've heard so much about the world's turmoils, and being in this part of the world makes you think and feel a bit differently about it all.  The tsunami/earthquake in Japan struck a chord when we saw television footage of places we'd been to just a month earlier.  We were planning a trip to Thailand when we learned of flooding there.  We were considering an opportunity to move to Cairo this time last year and are thankful now that we did not move to Egypt to be amidst the protests and civil unrest in that part of the world.  We've sent our thoughts, we've donated, and we've felt our deepest empathies for people suffering.

But nothing strikes closer to the heart than the passing of a loved one...  the head of the family.  When you can't be near your grandmother to say good-bye and be part of the collective family healing, you feel far, far away from home.  And that's one of the drawbacks of living so far away.

My grandmother was a woman of great strength and independence.  She was loved incredibily by a big (and growing) family.  She lived in her own apartment at almost 88 years old.  She loved to shop - and return things.  She loved playing cards and the people she regularly played with.  She made connections with beautiful people.  She spoke her mind.  She was involved with her community and church.  Her smile lit up a room.  She remembered everyone's birthdays.  Although she underwent several medical issues over the years, she lived life.  She was planning her outing to the drugstore for Seniors' Day for yesterday - the day she left this physical world.  She'd spent over 50 days in the hospital recently but was shopping and playing cards just weeks after her arrival home.  She learned new things in her 80s... like learning to test her own blood sugars at 87 years old.

Yes, Nan was a great woman and lived a beautiful life.  A beautiful family mourns her loss, and I wish I could be there with them right now.

Namaste Nan