It's not unusual to observe greed around here. One day in the queue at my favorite salad restaurant, a lady skipped me in line. This has become somewhat normal, albeit frustrating at times. Then her friend joined her! And, they not only had their own two orders, but they had their colleagues orders as well. They saw me.... I was right there in the queue. I guess they were demonstrating kiasu, while I practiced understanding and letting go.
Nobody holds the door open around here either. In fact, they'll squeeze through before you and let the door slam in your face. When us Canadians hold the door open, the locals are either expressively grateful or simply confused.
I've read a few articles in papers and have heard taxi drivers give their input about this behaviour. They say parents drive and push their children to win, to be first, to be the best. In their minds, anything less means failure and hardship in life. Young adults strive to be accepted into the best schools with scholarships so they can get the 'best' jobs. Young children are pushed to reach excellence in everything they do. There is no room for anything less. It can be incredibly competitive and stressful. The overall belief is that if you don't 'win', you're going to have a miserable life.
It's understandable that adults want more and more prestige and higher levels of status around here. In this culture, it means they've succeeded. I don't feel the happiness in the air, though.
These attitudes seem to have caused some issues in society. This lack of graciousness is widespread and the government is trying to change it. The Singaporean government promotes gracious behaviour via videos that you can find online. I've started to notice signage reminding people to clear their tables (it's completely common and normal to leave your garbage on your table). I think government is realizing that winning is not about the material things you have. Health, community, and mindfulness are becoming more important. And government wants to build that kind of nation.
That said, it might have been government's past behaviours that have led to this type of thinking in the first place. Regardless, understanding kiasu has lessened my frustrations when faced with it.
In our culture, we like to win too. Some people also regard prestige and material items as signatures of success. However, many people value health, family, relationships, and true happiness as success and signatures of winning. It doesn't mean you can't have a fancy car sitting in your driveway if that's what you like. But human connections, growth, and a vibrant life are what gives a person meaning and enhances their contributions to society. The fancy car is just a fancy car to enjoy, not a measurement of success (of course, that's not what everyone in our culture believes).
This week, my dear friend is a winner. She had bypass surgery at only 36 years old, and is alive only because of chance timing. She's a wonderfully positive and beautiful person and has definitely won both with her attitude and her second chance at life. Again, I'm far away from home and can't see her, but my thoughts are with her and her family.
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